Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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