haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
