did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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