I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
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Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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