Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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