Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
