She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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