No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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