Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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