I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
we made out on top of his cat.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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