Ambien. No doubt about it.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can't turn off my feet"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Randomize
