no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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