so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
