You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I could make wine with my vomit
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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