i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Randomize
