Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
