Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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