I just cut my nipple shaving
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
