Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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