I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
