ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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