Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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