made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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