Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
