cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
