you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
