I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
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I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize