I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
