So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
