You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
