i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize