I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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