Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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