I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
BRING THE BAGELS
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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