its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
