Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
