oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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