it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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