I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
