I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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