Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We are all done wearing pants today
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
