I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
