Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
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I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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