the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
