She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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