It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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