he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
