I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
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Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
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We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.