mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You made out with two different species that night
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.