i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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