1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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