hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
