He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
