I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
did i walk over a car last night?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
