I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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