My brain says no but my pants say off.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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