She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
