I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
