Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
