I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
