fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize