I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
