Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
