my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
