You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
