Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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