This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
