oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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