i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
