Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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