Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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