I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
