I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
