He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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