where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i've created a new STD.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
