Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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