Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
