If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
