i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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