Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I looked at my own cervix.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
