if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
