Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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