I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
