I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
