remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
