i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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