Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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