I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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